Shouts & Murmurs: Undecided: Humor: The New Yorker

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?

The cultural differences between the two candidates are huge. I can’t figure out these “undecided” voters that are brought out and addressed, like during the debates.

Here’s the only scenarios I can come up with:

• They’re uninformed.
  They just don’t know enough about either side to make a strong decision, hence “undecided.”
• They have conflicting issues.
  They agree with one candidate in one position, yet agree with the other candidate on another position. Too many overlapping and contradictory choices leading to indecision.
• They’re stupid.
  Plain and simple. They’re easily swayed by each candidate whenever they speak. The glam and spectacle of elections draws them to each side more than the actual issues. They also fall prey to pyramid schemes and often buy things from infomercials. I think this is the most likely situation.

It’s strange, but I actually have more respect for decided voters who are on the opposite side of the fence from me, than these undecided idiots.