Louis C.K. on shaving his goatee for a role in a new Ricky Gervais film:
Ricky and Matt asked me to shave my beard for the part which was kind of a shock to my system. I have had a goatee beard since I was in my early twenties, so pretty much my whole adult life. [...]

Apparently performing simple magic tricks, like making a toothpick disappear and reappear will get you fired from substitute teaching in Florida.
Substitute teacher Jim Piculas made a toothpick disappear, then reappear in front of a classroom at Rushe Middle School in Land O’ Lakes, Florida. The Pasco County School District says there were several other performance [...]

She’s not just a casual Obama supporter, she’s actively campaigned for him. This is probably the biggest example of stock media coming back to bite someone as I’ve ever seen. I hope some people on Clinton’s creative department started work on their resumes.

Don’t talk back to Darth Vader, he’ll getcha!

Donnie says I suck at Photoshop. You know what? He’s right.
Warning: Some moderate crude humor and language.
You Suck at Photoshop #1:

You Suck at Photoshop #2:

I’m not sure if this will work, but I seem to have found a tiny spark of luck. The power’s out, my cell phone has zero signal, and I only have about ten minutes of battery life left on my laptop. About thirty minutes ago, we climbed up on the roof to hopefully protect ourselves, [...]

Reason #953,493 to not get a Zune. You may end up looking like this guy. He also included a closeup, complete with gross skin. Click for full size (if you’re brave).
Granted, I may be an iPod fanboy, but I don’t have any permanent marks with my love of the device. Furthermore, I think he would [...]

When Kristen and I were having dinner tonight, we had some frozen spinach (reheated of course). When I asked her if she’d like some vinegar, she said yes, and I proceeded to mull over the 6 different types of vinegar we have in the cabinet. I guess that’s a pretty clear sign that we’re foodies, [...]

Leave it to Stephen Colbert to explain the Cingular/AT&T merger better than anyone else.

Via UNEASYsilence.